Yuletide
by HeavenlyTook
Summary: Drunken mistakes in the night after joyful celebrations. Pippin tries to be mature, but soon Merry discovers that he's more of a child than either of them thought.


Merry pulled his grey cloak around his shoulders as he staggered through the quiet streets of Buckland; his cheeks and ears were red as tomatoes from the bitter wind, and the thin layer of fluffy, white snow on the ground made his toes numb. He held a lamp in one hand as he walked beneath the ebony sky, freckled with bright stars. Merry had been drinking with a few lads at the Bucklebury Inn, and now he was starting to discover that walking home on a winter's night, drunk and alone, was not a very sensible idea.

He cursed under his breath as he almost stumbled over his own feet. Holding up his light, he looked around to see where he was, and to his relief he realised that he had reached Buck Hill. He hastily made his way towards the main entrance of Brandy Hall, and he banged loudly on the large front door. There was no response. He knocked again and the door burst open, and Merry toppled over in surprise.

"Hush, hush! It's very late, an' the Master's sleepin'," snapped the figure in the doorway, and from her voice Merry could tell that she was one of the housemaids.

Merry shakily got back up to his feet and brushed down his coat, removing the snow stuck to the thick fabric.

"Don't you hush me," he slurred grouchily.

"Oh, it's you, Mister Merry," the servant said with a sudden change in her voice, "Why're ye back here so late? Where've ye been?"

"That's none of your business," huffed Merry.

He pushed his way inside and blundered down the hallway. He couldn't think straight and the abundance of corridors seemed like a maze to him. Eventually he found his way to his own bedroom. Without bothering to change into more comfortable clothing, he collapsed onto the bed, and within a few minutes he was fast asleep, snoring lightly.

The next morning he awoke to the sound of his mother barking his name. He groaned as his eyes adjusted to the morning light, and he irritably buried his face in his pillow; his head was pounding and he felt like he was going to be sick at any moment. Esmeralda rolled her son onto his back, and Merry pushed her away forcefully before sitting up in bed and glaring at her.

"You, young man, are in a lot of trouble," said Esmeralda, and her Tookish accent that was usually so sweet and charming was now filled with anger, "Young Miss Poppy told me about your little escapade last night. I am disappointed in you, Meriadoc, sneaking off like that without telling us. We thought you were in bed."

Merry shrugged. "Why does it matter anyways? I'm not a kid anymore. I can do what I want to."

"You're not quite an adult yet either," his mother sighed, "You should have told us that you were going to be home so late. Where were you last night?"

"I was visiting a friend," Merry lied. He knew that his mother would probably throttle him if she knew he had been at the inn. He was still in his tweens, after all, and though he was allowed to drink at home Esmeralda would be disappointed in him for staying at the inn all evening. She'd call him irresponsible, he suspected.

"Oh, well," Esme replied, folding her arms, "I hope all you did was go a-visiting."

"What're you implying?" Merry questioned, raising his eyebrows.

"Don't think I don't know what you young lads get up to," the woman told him, "I don't want you getting any lasses pregnant."

Merry would have choked, if he had something to choke on.

"Mother!" he hissed, "I… I would never…"

He felt his cheeks turn hot. He had been with a few (well, more than a few) girls in his time, but hearing his mother mention it was _mortifying. _He silently cursed the Tooks for their bluntness.

"What's the time?" he asked.

"Almost eight o'clock," Esmeralda told him, "You're usually up earlier. I thought it was best to wake you."

She smirked, and Merry glowered at her.

"It's your birthday tomorrow," continued Esme, "And the Yule party tonight."

"Oh, I'd forgotten," said Merry, "That means Pip's coming today, doesn't it?"

"Yes, it does, and your Uncle and Aunt are coming too, and the girls."

Merry shrugged. He loathed his Uncle Paladin, and though he got along with his Aunt Letty and her three daughters, he only really cared about Pippin coming to visit. He was _Pippin_, after all. Curious, jovial little Pippin. Merry's sweet young cousin, his lifelong best friend, his everything.

There was nothing or nobody that Merry loved more. His little cousin meant the world to him. Pippin was barely into his tweens, in that awkward early phase of adolescence that Merry remembered all too well. He asked too many questions, a trait that others found annoying but Merry found positively endearing, although the lad could be a handful sometimes.

"I'm sorry for sneaking out last night," he told his mother, his mood lifted a little, "It won't happen again," _That's a lie_, he thought, "Now, can I go and have my breakfast?"

Merry spent the day in the parlour reading, whilst impatiently waiting for the party to begin. He loved all of the Yuletide festivities, but most of all he was eager for his young cousin to arrive. He hadn't seen Pippin in almost a fortnight, which felt like an age to him.

"Son."

He heard a voice from the doorway and he looked up to see his father, Saradoc, stood with his hands in his jacket pockets. There was a grin spread across his face.

"Yes, Dad?" Merry inquired.

"The party will be starting soon," Saradoc informed him, "I suggest you change into some more suitable clothing, unless you want your mother to pick something out for you."

Merry chuckled. "Goodness no, I know better than to let Mam dress me."

"You shouldn't sneak out of the house again," spoke his father, changing the subject, "Unless you want to face your mother's wrath a second time."

"Ah, she's not all bad," Merry waved his hand dismissively, "She's a Took, that's all."

Saradoc let out a laugh. "Oh, indeed, and I've warned you about those. Don't marry one, whatever you do. I learnt that lesson the hard way. I mean, I love her and all, but she's a right pain in the neck sometimes."

There was silence for a brief moment, as Merry tried his hardest not to burst into laughter.

"Oh dear…" said Saradoc, and when he turned around he saw his wife stood behind him with a face like thunder, "Esme! I didn't see you there, my love…"

"Save the small talk, Saradoc," Esmeralda snapped at him, "Meriadoc, please will you go and get ready for the party, your father and I need to talk."

She grabbed her husband by his wrist, digging her nails into his skin as she practically dragged him away. Merry laughed as he heard Saradoc protesting.

Merry changed into a crisp, white shirt and a forest-green waistcoat, and over the top he wore a scarlet jacket. He meticulously combed his honey-blond curls (something that other lads would have teased him about if they knew about it) and fastened all of his buttons, making sure that he looked presentable for the occasion.

When he reached the large hall, the party had already begun, and guests had started to arrive. That included the Tooks. Merry noticed Paladin and Eglantine greeting his parents, and he looked around to find Pippin.

The young lad was sat on a bench by himself at the back of the room and Merry rushed over to him eagerly. Pippin beamed when he saw his older cousin, and he leapt from his seat and wrapped his arms around Merry's waist.

Merry ruffled his golden-brown hair and smiled.

"Hullo, my little Pip," he greeted.

"Hello Merry!" Pippin responded cheerily, "I haven't seen you for such a long time. I've missed you."

Merry chuckled. "I've missed you too, Pippin. I'm glad you're here."

"I'm glad I'm here too," said Pippin, "Though I was a bit worried that you wouldn't want to see me."

"Oh?" Merry enquired with a frown, "Why wouldn't I want to see my precious cousin?"

"Well, Nellie said not to get my hopes up in case you were more interested in the lasses…" Pippin mumbled, "She said you were of that age now."

Merry scoffed. "Of that age indeed," he answered, "Pip, I've been, erm, _interested _in lasses for a long time, but I would much rather spend time with you."

"What, really?"

"Course really. You're my Pip. You're more important than silly lasses."

Pippin smiled broadly.

"Though, you're more demanding than all of those lasses put together," Merry added, and the younger lad frowned a little.

He was so perfect, Merry thought, with his pouty, apple-bud lips and soft, creamy skin and bright, green eyes. He looked so adorable in his little woolen scarf, and his face was so innocent and lovely that Merry felt like he could just _melt _right there and then_. _Pippin was only a child, and it felt so _wrong_ to desire him in such sinful ways, but Pippin was blossoming into a young man and no matter how hard he tried Merry couldn't stop thinking those bittersweet thoughts that made him feel so dirty.

"Mer?"

Pip's gentle voice brought Merry back to reality.

"Yes?" he queried.

"Are you alright? You're being all weird and dreamy," Pippin said.

Merry grinned. "I'm fine, little Pip," he told, "How are you? I never asked."

"I'm good… But…"

"But?"

"I'm hungry."

They managed to get hold of some bread rolls, food that was supposed to be saved for the meal later. Pippin ate with relish, and Merry watched with a slight smile whilst sipping ale.

"Perfect," he muttered.

"Hm?" inquired Pippin with a mouthful of bread.

Merry shook his head. "Nothin'."

"It's your birthday tomorrow," Pip stated, "Do you have a mathom for me?"

"Of course I do," replied Merry, "Trust you to ask."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean," Merry gave him a gentle nudge with his elbow, "That you ask too many questions."

"I don't… Do I?"

Merry laughed at that.

They had dinner, which was a delicious traditional meal with tender meat and fresh vegetables, and they had cake for afters. Sat at the table, Merry and Pippin were spoken to by many of the guests, most of them family. Pip was cheery and sociable, whereas Merry was quiet, watching his cousin as he laughed and talked. How charming he was, Merry thought, how utterly captivating.

After the meal they went back to sit on the bench, and Pippin rested his head on Merry's shoulder. Merry smiled.

"Merry," he heard a voice, and he looked up to see Estella Bolger. Stella had been his friend since childhood, and they had slept together a few times, though it was never anything more than a bit of thoughtless fun. "Would you like to dance with me?"

Merry shook his head and sighed. "No thanks, Stell," he answered, "Not really in the mood for dancin'."

"Ah, fine," Estella replied, disheartened, "Well, will you at least come and talk to me for a while?"

Reluctantly Merry escorted her to the other side of the room, where he refilled his mug with ale and took a large swig. Stella ranted for a while about some lad (though Merry wasn't paying much attention; his thoughts were elsewhere).

"You okay?" questioned Estella, "You seem distant."

"Sorry," Merry mumbled, "I don't know what's gotten into me."

"I do. You're thinking about some girl, aren't you? I know that look, Meriadoc."

"Girl? No!" retorted Merry. He put his hands in the pockets of his breeches. "No, it isn't a girl."

The lass chuckled. "Of course not," she said, "But Merry, I've known you for years, and I can tell when you're troubled, even if you try to hide it."

He shrugged. "None of your business anyways."

Estella raised her eyebrows. "Fine, fine. But… Just try to have fun tonight. It's Yule, and it's your birthday tomorrow, you should be celebrating, not brooding over some lass or whoever. How old are you tomorrow?"

"Thirty-two," said Merry.

"Thirty-two," Stella repeated with a grin, "Your last year before you officially become an adult. I'll speak to you later."

Estella left, and Merry shook his head as he made his way back over to the bench where Pippin was sat. Or at least where Pippin had been sat. His cousin was nowhere to be seen, and Merry furrowed his brow in confusion.

"Pip?" he called out.

There was no response, but then he noticed a group of hobbits in the corner, including Pippin and his oldest sister Pearl. From what Merry could see, the young lad was in some sort of trouble. Merry hurried over to the group, fists clenched.

"The little rat hit me!" said a voice, which Merry recognised as his cousin Berilac's.

"That doesn't mean you should try to hit him back!" Pearl countered, her hands around Pippin defensively, "Look, he's scared. He didn't mean it."

"I ought to-"

Berilac was cut short as Merry punched him straight in the face, sending him flying. There were a few gasps from the crowd, and Pearl scowled at him.

"Curse you, Meriadoc!" Berilac groaned.

"Don't you dare hurt my little cousin again, Berilac," Merry hissed in response. He stood in front of Pippin and stroked his cheek.

"You okay, little one? Did he hurt you?"

"N-no, I'm fine," Pippin said, trying to smile.

"Why'd you hit him?" asked Merry.

"H-he was saying stuff," sniffled the younger hobbit, "He said I was a baby and nobody wanted to talk to me because I'm annoying. Am I annoying, Mer?"

"No, no you're perfect," Merry told him, "Did he say anything else?"

"He said that you don't really love me, that you're just using me," Pippin continued, "What do you think he meant by that?"

Merry was silent for a moment.

"Don't listen to Berilac, he's an idiot," he said eventually, wiping a tear from Pip's cheek.

"Idiot indeed," Pearl murmured, "I'll kill him if he tries to hurt my little brother again. Are you alright, kitten?"

Pippin nodded. "Yes, I'm fine, Pearly. I think I want to go to bed, though."

"You think?" Merry inquired.

"I want to go to bed," Pippin corrected himself, "I'm tired."

"Okay, come on then."

Merry held out his hand, but Pippin just looked at him sheepishly.

"Can you carry me? My legs are shaking too much to walk."

"Poor darling," said Pearl. She rubbed her brother's arms soothingly.

Merry grinned and nodded. He picked up the lad with ease – even though Pippin was a tween now, he was still light as a feather. He held him like a small child, balanced on his hip. Pearl smiled and said goodnight to her brother, then Merry carried him out of the hall and down the corridor.

"Can we have a cuddle?" asked Pip.

"Of course we can," Merry said, and then he continued with a chuckle, "Berilac's an idiot, but he was right about one thing."

"What?" queried Pippin.

"You're a baby," Merry laughed, and he kissed Pip's forehead. The younger lad sighed.

"I'm not a baby," he protested.

"You are," responded Merry, "You're always asking me to play games with you or to give you cuddles. It's cute."

"I'm not cute," Pippin insisted, pouting.

"You're adorable. Now shush, you're supposed to be tired."

"I _am_ tired," Pippin paused, "Well, not really. I just didn't want to stay in there."

"And you wanted a cuddle?" Merry questioned.

The younger cousin's cheeks turned pink. "Yes, and that," he mumbled.

"What're you like?" chuckled Merry.

They reached the door to Merry's bedroom. Merry cautiously opened the door, still carrying Pippin, and walked over to the bed. He laid the lad down and got onto the bed beside him. Pippin nuzzled against him, and Merry swallowed.

"You smell all aley," Pippin stated.

"You smell all Pippiny," replied Merry. He took a deep breath. Pippin smelt delightful, like musky winter spices and apple cider and freshly baked bread; _delicious_, Merry thought, and he grinned to himself.

"How much have you had to drink?" asked Pippin.

"Only a few half-pints."

"You're funny when you've been drinking. You get all grumpy with everyone."

"I don't get grumpy with you."

"No, you don't," said Pippin, "Unless I've done something stupid."

"Which is often," Merry chuckled.

"Merry," the lad began, lifting his head and looking at his cousin, "Can I ask you something?"

"Yes, of course you can, you've been asking me things all night," laughed Merry.

"Do you love anyone?"

Merry blinked. "Of course I do, I love you and my parents and-"

"No, I mean…" Pippin interjected, "Are you in love with anyone? It's just that Nellie said-"

"Forget what Nellie said," cut in Merry. He kissed Pippin's soft curls and cupped his chin in his hands. "Your sister doesn't know what she's talking about."

"So you're not in love?"

"Well…" The older lad cleared his throat, "Yes, I suppose I am."

The light from Pippin's eyes seemed to fade, and he frowned.

"Oh," he said dejectedly.

"What's wrong?" Merry inquired, concerned.

"Nothing, I'm just being silly," replied Pip, "Who is it? Who are you in love with? Is it Estella?"

"Estella!" Merry exclaimed, laughing, "She's a friend, is all. I don't _love_ her," He sighed and muttered to himself, "I don't love her like I love you?"

"What?" Pippin asked. He blinked and looked at Merry with wide, innocent eyes, his lips slightly parted. Merry's cheeks turned scarlet and he averted his gaze.

"I… No, ignore me," he responded, "Pip, how old are you now?"

"Why? Have you forgotten? I'm twenty-four in March."

"Twenty-four…" said Merry. He exhaled slowly. "You're just a kid."

"I'm not!" Pippin objected, "I'm a tween now. I might not be very responsible but I'm not a child. I… I know things."

"What things?"

Merry saw his little cousin blush, and he chuckled.

"Oh, _those_ things," he realised, shaking his head.

"I'm not a child, alright?" said Pip, "I know what I want."

"And what do you want, Peregrin Took?"

"I want you."

Merry was silent. He licked his lips, wondering what to say.

"You have me already," he responded after a moment, "I'm your Merry."

"No, Mer, I mean…" Pippin let out a sigh, "I love you, Merry, I really love you and I want you to love me back."

"I _do_!" Merry told, "Oh goodness, I do. I love you more than anything."

"But are you in love with me?" Pippin asked, "Or do you just love me because we're cousins?''

"You're my little cousin, and my best friend, and I am so in love with you… But you're just a lad…"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"You're young and confused, Pippin," sighed Merry, "You're not in love with me, not really."

"But I am!" Pippin cried, his eyes brimming with tears.

"Pip, you're too young to know what love is."

"I'll prove it then, if you don't believe me, I'll prove that I love you," said Pippin.

"How-"

Suddenly Merry was unable to speak as Pippin kissed him, their lips crashing together in a moment of pure madness. Merry couldn't think straight, and he knew that it was _wrong _to be kissing his little cousin like this, and he felt like he was taking advantage, but right now it was impossible to stop.

Merry's hands found their way to Pippin's head and he entwined his fingers into his cinnamon curls. The lad had come onto Merry so forcefully, but now the older hobbit was in control, nipping at Pip's plump lips as his cousin whined softly, and his lips parted slightly. Pippin's mouth was sweet and wet, and Merry moaned as their tongues met.

But then Pippin pulled away, looking at Merry with wide apple-green eyes as he breathed heavily.

"What's the matter?" Merry asked. He felt his heart stop for a moment as he realised what he had just done.

"I'm okay," said Pippin, "I've never kissed anyone like that before, is all."

Merry shook his head. "You're so young and innocent," he replied, "I… I don't think I can kiss you again, Pip…"

"No, please!" The younger lad begged, "Merry, please, this is what I want, I promise."

"Alright," said Merry, uncertainly, "But let's take things slow, okay? I don't want to hurt you. I'm known to be a bit rough when it comes to things like this."

"I like you being rough," Pippin told him, looking down and grinning, his cheeks red.

"I don't want things to get out of hand," Merry sighed, "Tell me if you want to stop. Promise that you'll say something."

"I promise, but I won't need to," Pip giggled.

Merry leaned forward and kissed Pippin; more gently this time, but Pippin dug his nails into Merry's shoulders, as if asking for more. Merry moaned and moved away for a moment.

"You have such soft lips," he stated, and then he kissed his cousin again.

After a minute or so Pippin pulled away, and Merry caressed his cheek with his thumb. The younger boy had a troubled expression, as if he had just remembered something. He moved to the other side of the bed and sat facing the wall.

"Mer, my father says that it's wrong for two lads to be together. He says they should be locked up, that they're awful people."

"Your father's a bastard," Merry groaned, "Don't listen to him, Pippin. He's abusive and manipulative and you deserve better."

"But he's still my father," said Pippin.

"Hush, don't worry about all that now. C'mere and let me kiss you."

They sat on Merry's bed kissing for a while, occasionally pausing to get their breath back. After a few minutes there was a knock at the door, and Pippin looked at Merry in panic.

"Who is it?" Merry called out, and then he cleared his throat.

"It's me," The voice belonged to Pippin's mother, "Pearl told me that Pippin had gone to bed, is he alright?"

_If Eglantine finds out I've been snogging her son she'll kill me, _Merry thought.

"Oh, he's just getting changed," he lied, "Say goodnight to your Mam, Pip."

"Night Mama," Pippin murmured, and he bit his lip anxiously.

"Goodnight dearie, goodnight Meriadoc," replied Eglantine.

There were footsteps, and then silence. Merry let out a sigh of relief.

"She's gone," he said, "Thank goodness for that."

"What shall we do now?" Pippin questioned.

"Are you tired?" asked Merry, "Do you want to go to bed?"

"No, I mean… Can we… Do something else?"

"What do yo mean?" Merry inquired, but then it occurred to him what Pippin meant, and he stared at his cousin blankly, "Pip, you do not know the first thing about how to do _that,_ and you're still a child."

"I know some things, and I told you I'm _not_ a child!" Pippin retorted.

"No, Pip, I can't…" Merry turned away as he spoke, "You're too young, too inexperienced, too innocent. You're just trying to act mature, trying to prove that you're all grown up. But you're not."

"But you don't care about that," Pippin whispered, his voice deliberately silky, that voice that Merry could never say no to, "You want me, you know you do."

Merry groaned. "Pip, stop, that's not fair."

"Come on Merry, it's true, just say it," Pippin continued.

Merry turned back to look at his cousin, and those sweet green eyes of his sent a shiver of excitement down his spine.

"Yes, you're right, I want you!" he snapped, "Yes, I want to do things to you, Pip, oh gosh there are so many things I want to do... That I need to do…"

He tried to block out the hunger that swelled inside him, tried to get rid of that awful sensation in the pit of his stomach, but Pippin was being so purposely desirable and it was _so_ hard to resist.

And then, without considering the consequences, Merry pounced on him, pinning his little cousin to the bed under his weight and making him squeal in surprise. He held Pippin's wrists firmly down and pressed their bodies together, as he began sucking and nipping at the soft skin of his neck. There was nothing tender about Merry's actions, and Pippin tried to wriggle out of his grasp, but it was useless.

"Merry…" he tried to object, but then he moaned as Merry bucked against him, and his older cousin took it as a sign of encouragement.

"Mer, I was just messing," Pippin insisted.

Merry took no notice. He moaned and started to impatiently undress the younger lad, throwing his scarf to the ground and hurriedly undoing his shirt buttons. Pippin whined as he felt Merry's hardness pressing against him.

The older hobbit tore off Pippin's shirt then moved down to his breeches. Pippin bit his lip and whimpered, his eyes filling with tears. He said nothing.

Once Pip's trousers had been removed, Merry forcefully tore off his undergarments, leaving Pippin exposed. He stared down at his little cousin's body eagerly, then he quickly removed his own clothing. Pippin began to weep as Merry pulled off his underwear.

Hearing the lad's sobs, Merry stopped abruptly and looked up. He turned cold when he saw Pippin's distorted expression; a look of pure fear spread across his face, his eyes closed tightly and his lip trembling.

"Oh gods, what have I done…?" Merry felt sick to his stomach.

He tried to embrace his cousin, but Pippin curled into a ball and shook at the touch. Merry felt a tear run down his cheek. He tentatively stroked the lad's hair, trying to calm him.

"I'm so sorry," he said, a lump in his throat.

"I-it's okay," Pippin sniffled, "It's my fault."

"No, no don't say that, you were just having a little joke. It's my fault. I'm supposed to look after you, not… not do_ this_…"

"You didn't do anything," said Pippin.

"But I was going to," Merry replied, "I was going to… Oh god, I was going to do such terrible things. I-I thought you were ready, I thought it was what you wanted…"

"I thought it was too," his cousin whispered.

"I should have known you were too young," Merry continued, "I should never have kissed you, I should never have touched you. It was so wrong of me to hurt you like this… People will say I tried to rape you…"

Pippin frowned. Merry hesitated.

"You don't even know what that means, do you?"

Pip shook his head slightly.

"God, I can't do this… How can I ever look at you again after this…?"

"It's okay," Pippin said again, quiet as a mouse, "It wasn't your fault."

"I've tainted you, taken away your innocence," Merry put his head in his hands, "I'm so sorry."

There was a moment of agonising silence, then Merry felt Pippin's arms around him. He hugged him tightly back, rocking him softly as he wept.

"Can you ever forgive me?" Merry asked.

"I've already forgiven you," Pippin spoke, his voice muffled as his mouth was pressed against the older hobbit's shoulder.

"How could I do this to you…? You won't tell anyone, will you? You can't tell anyone, Pip, they'll lock me up."

"I-I won't tell," Pippin responded, shaking his head, "It was my fault, Mer, it was all my fault, I'm sorry…"

"Hey, hush, don't say that," Merry comforted, "You have nothing to be sorry for. I should never have let this happened."

"It's alright, Merry. Can we… Can we go to bed now?"

"Yes, love."

"We can forget it ever happened, can't we?" Pippin sniffed.

"Yes, we can forget all about it," replied Merry, "It's my birthday tomorrow. We'll wake up early and have a nice breakfast, then we can go out strolling, or we could go down to Maggot's farm, or whatever you want to do. You deserve a treat."

"Y-you said you had a mathom for me."

"I'd give you a thousand mathoms if it would make all this right," Merry sighed.

He lay on the bed, and Pippin lay beside him, then he pulled the covers over them. Pippin moved close to him, shivering and crying quietly. Merry held him close and kissed his brow.


End file.
